If I Never Met You
by Oliviet
Summary: This wasn't her. This wasn't his Kate, his Beckett. This was the hollow shell of a woman he'd met nearly seven years ago, beaten down endlessly by a case she was never going to solve. She was just older, her hair lighter, but her same cynicism surrounded her. This is the Kate, the Beckett, he spent years trying to knock down the walls of.


_My Birthday present to Nadia. This one is for you. _

* * *

><p>This wasn't her. This wasn't his Kate, his Beckett. This was the hollow shell of a woman he'd met nearly seven years ago, beaten down endlessly by a case she was never going to solve. She was just older, her hair lighter, but her same cynicism surrounded her. This is the Kate, the Beckett, he spent years trying to knock down the walls of. Had his presence in her life really caused her to change that much?<p>

He watches her now, pacing back and forth in front of her murder board. At least that hasn't changed and it probably never will. And he's thankful for that: her dedication, her commitment. It's one of the many things he loves about her.

As he continues to watch her pace, he begins to wonder what all she has been through without him there by her side. He assumes that she hasn't caught Bracken because her mother's wedding ring is still being worn around her neck. His Kate retired the ring after they finally arrested the bastard. He starts to wonder if she was ever shot, or without him there to push her, if she ever even reopened her mother's murder case.

He keeps trying to glance at her left hand for a ring, but he never sees one. Occasionally he thinks he sees the tan line of one that once was. Either she's recently divorced or she has simply chosen not to wear it today. Or his mind could be playing tricks on him. He really hopes she isn't divorced for her sake. The weird oddity that was Rogan aside, she's a one and done type of girl. Marriage is a huge commitment for her, something she doesn't take on lightly. He hopes that if she is divorced, she was the one to break the guy's heart and not the other way around.

All he's ever wanted for her is happiness.

Beckett stops pacing for a moment and catches him staring at her. She shoots him that look he earned himself many a time during their first two years together, but it's one he certainly doesn't deserve now for simply sitting here. It's not like he got out of the car or starting pursuing a suspect or something. He's just watching her think, like he always does.

"Why are you here again?" she asks, drawing her eyebrows together in confusion.

"Research," he shrugs, maintaining eye contact with her. "For my next book."

"Right."

She spins back to her board and sighs, clearly stuck on this case. He wishes her could help her. Spin some crazy theory that would ultimately be wrong but send her in the right direction. But this Beckett doesn't know him, doesn't trust him. And so he sits. Watching.

Finally she gives up on the board and slumps down into her desk chair. That's when he gets a good look at her left hand and notices there definitely once was a ring there. He needs to know about it, but isn't sure how to go about asking.

Her cell phone rings and she groans when she sees the caller ID. That piques his interest. The ex maybe?

"What?"

She doesn't answer with her usual 'Beckett,' and her tone is filled with exasperation. This clearly isn't a professional call.

"I'm in the middle of a case. Yes, I understand that it's your day off, but – I don't know what you expect me to do. Josh, I'm not even hungry."

Josh? _Josh? _Please let it be a different Josh than Dr. Motorcycle Boy. She deserves so much better than Dr. Motorcycle Boy.

"Fine," she's saying now. "No, you want to eat dinner with me so badly. Just bring it here we can eat in the break room. Look, I don't have time for that tonight. Either you bring me takeout or I won't be seeing you until after your 36 hour shift."

36 hour shifts? Sounds like a doctor, all right.

"Yeah, but you'll probably be asleep by the time I get home. I'm not going to argue with you anymore. Either come eat dinner with me or don't, but I have a case to get back to."

She slams her phone down on her desk with an angry grunt, scrubbing her other hand through her hair.

"Everything okay?" Castle hedges.

"Fine," she grumbles, pulling open her desk drawer and grabbing what looks like a wedding band out of it.

She slips it onto her left ring finger and stares at it for a moment before clenching her hand into a fist.

_I know you hide there the same way you hide in these nowhere relationships with men you don't love. _

His old words to her filter back to him. Why did she settle for this guy? Did she really feel that desperate, that alone? He wonders now more than ever if she started digging again. Because he knows she has a one track mind when she's in that rabbit hole, and that she's impossible to get back out.

"Detective Beckett?"

She flits her gaze back over to his, reluctantly.

"This is kind of out of nowhere, but I remember reading about a lawyer a couple of years ago who was mugged, last name Beckett. Any relation?"

She bristles at the mention of her mother, her hands clenching into fists again.

"Don't," she says, shaking her head. "Just don't."

"So I take it there is some relation then?"

He should back off and he knows it. He's seen what happens too many times when he agitates her when she's like this. But the old him didn't know that when they first had this conversation, so he feigns ignorance and pushes forward.

"It's none of your business, Castle," Beckett mutters, turning back to her computer.

He watches her reach for the chain, her fingers tugging on the ring. She holds the ring between her index finger and middle finger, while her thumb presses into her chest. That pretty much confirms it for him that she's been shot. And that she's started digging again. Considering Gates is here instead of Montgomery he probably should have guessed it. But then again Montgomery could have died the same way without her ever knowing.

"So," he starts again, slowly. "Here's something else that's none of my business. You're married?"

"Yeah."

"To this Josh fellow that's meeting you for dinner?"

She turns back to stare at him.

"Do you always make a habit of not wearing your wedding ring when he isn't around?"

"You're here to research the police department, not my personal life."

"You're unhappy, aren't you? Your marriage is failing."

Beckett groans, frustration creeping into her features. "Why do you care? You don't even know me or my husband. Our marriage is not something for you to try and fix."

"Who said I was trying to fix it?"

"Kate."

She looks up at the sound of her name and Castle follows her gaze. Dr. Motorcycle Boy himself, carrying a bag of takeout from her favorite Chinese place down the street. He really can't believe she's still with this idiot. Especially after the things she's told him about Josh being terrible in bed.

Castle watches her push back her chair from her desk and stand. She turns to Castle one last time before she goes off with her husband.

"If you need anything else for your book, ask Ryan or Esposito. We're done here."

And then he watches her leave, absolutely hating how unhappy she looks. He wants to try and fix things. He just doesn't know how.

* * *

><p>When he wakes, his Kate is already awake next to him, reading the book she's been trying to finish for two months. Castle reaches over to her and brushes his knuckles along her forearm. She jumps a little bit, having thought he was still asleep, and turns to look at him.<p>

"Just so you know," he says softly. "I basically saved your life."

She gives him a small grin, laying her book down in her lap. "Are you referring to case related situations or –?"

"No, just your life in general. You'd be pretty miserable without me. And married to Dr. Motorcycle Boy."

She scrunches her eyebrows together in confusion. "In what universe would I agree to marry Josh?"

"In one where you never met me."

"You're delusional," she tells him, reaching for her book again.

He sits up in bed, pulling her book away from her. She groans, giving him her full attention.

"Haven't you ever thought about it?" Castle asks. "What our lives would be like if we had never met?"

"Well sure, but it doesn't involve me marrying Josh Davidson."

"You weren't happy with him," he tells her.

"What?"

"In my dream. You acted like you felt stuck in the marriage. And you hadn't solved your mother's case. And in general you just weren't…you. You were still that woman who never smiled and rolled her eyes at every other phrase out of my mouth."

Kate curls her fingers around his bicep, resting her chin on his shoulder.

"I wouldn't say I _never_ smiled."

He laughs at that, bending his head to kiss her forehead.

"But seriously though," he starts. "I make you happy, don't I?"

She lifts her head up to kiss his cheek.

"Of course you make me happy. Where is this coming from, Castle?"

His arms slide around her torso, pulling her into his side.

"I know it was just a dream, but I can't get over how unhappy you looked. I don't ever want you to feel like that."

"I won't. Because I'm marrying _you_ this weekend. Not Josh, not anyone else. You. And you know how much you've done for me, how much I love you. Knowing you has made me a better person. You got me to laugh again. To love."

He grins against her hair, pulling her into him tighter.

"You saved me too, you know. I don't know where I'd be without you right now…or without Nikki Heat."

"You would have found someone else to serve as your next muse."

Castle hums. "Yeah maybe. She wouldn't have been you though."

She smiles, bringing her lips to his and kissing him slowly.

"I'm really glad I met you, Kate," he tells her when he pulls away from her kiss.

"I'm really glad I met you too. Now give me my book back, before I regret those words."

He laughs and hands it back to her. She stays settled against his side as she opens it again, looking for the page where she left off.

Yeah. He's definitely ready to marry her.


End file.
